I think the important thing to remember here, is that you will eventually regain the desire to have sex. Keep that in your mind as you go through the first few weeks and sometimes months feeling like sex is the last thing on your mind. You have to realize, you are going through a massive transformation. I know personally, after my pregnancy, it took me at least three months to feel as if I was even half myself and even then, I was deeply immersed in distorted sleeping hours, pounds of additional baby fat, and breasts that were entirely dedicated to feeding another human being. So when are you supposed to be up for it again?

This feels like such a personal blog and I am very conscious that I do not want to sound like any authority on the matter. I know in the end, it did feel like I needed to “make an effort,” but it also felt like the right thing to do. Rather like going to the gym again (sorry darling husband for lowering our sex and love life to such base levels of activity), I did feel I needed to just get “back in the saddle” because I knew in the long run it was going to be important.

And also in the long run, I knew I would be feeling a lot better about a lot of things. That’s the thing with your first child, you can lose an enormous amount of perspective. I was immensely focused on making my new treasure feel welcome and loved and I realized at some point that this had to be balanced with making my husband feeling equally loved and welcome.

One other thing that comes to mind is a sense of losing one’s identity for a while. It was all rather overwhelming becomming a mother. I became so wrapped up with the day-to-day that the intimacy and laughter I had with my husband seemed to disappear for a while as our focus was set on a new baby girl. It didn’t help that my husband also lost his father two weeks after our daughter was born. That added a whole new level of complexity and pain to this supposedly joyous period and while this was certainly an extreme situation with a lot of crying and dark moods, this stuff can happen. We are all up against challenges in our lives….

Please share your experiences, I think they would be immensely helpful to others…..

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November 8th, 2006 | Permalink